Finding The Source Of Drive

SPEAKER_04 0:13

So tell us about that burn that came from your family and how much that burn now means in your home today.

When The Gift Can Disappear

SPEAKER_00 0:20

So I was raised to understand, I 100% have been blessed with the gift. Like I'm I am very clear. I think so many of us have been blessed with the gift in different areas of your life. And to me, in a sense, that's not really the unique part. My mom was very clear, like, sweetie, you're clearly gifted in track. You're clearly gifted in these things. But what my burn came from is I am going to empty this tank every day. I need to know how far can this take me. I refuse. I don't do good with coulda, woulda, shoulda's. I just don't. I never have. And I'm praying that I never will. Like I just don't want to be complacent, especially when I understand I'm different in certain areas. And so, like I said, when I line up and I know that, yeah, okay, we all are gifted, clearly, yes. You make it to the Olympics, you're gifted. But what I'm really gifted is my discipline. I am I'm willing to do the little things. I'm going to do the small things. When I my sophomore year in high school, there was a time when I was playing around and I fell and tore my PCL ameniscus in my knee. And it wasn't really like an over-exaggerated play. It wasn't like you were playing basketball, you know, no, no, no. Literally just playing with the friend felt funny. And the doctor said, it's a chance you won't ever run as fast. Like with this type of injury, it was like a car crash. And I had never taken it for granted anyway. But this just really opened my eyes to what I've always heard, like in Jackie Joanna Kersey from my coaches, on any given day, on any given day, the gift can be taken from you. And I remember going running, you know, like throughout high school, and on this day, I will be different. On this day, I will be different. So for me, understanding that I had a gift and not wanting to take it for granted and doing the small things, that's I think where my burn comes from. I want to see how far this gift can take me.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

How has challenge and adversity played a role in that burn?

Belief Under Pressure After Surgery

SPEAKER_00 2:09

In ways you don't want to. Like no one wants to deal with the challenges and adversity. But I think we all have heard this before, but it showed me how much do I want it. Uh 2008, when I won gold, actually February February 29th, leap year, I had to have knee surgery. And I have been doing all the work. Like, listen, everyone, all the work. You know how coaches and parents just hope that they understand and they do the detail work. I was doing all of it because I laugh and I say, I had negative money. Like I had no money. I was working three jobs, also training. So if you include that, that's four jobs, fighting for this dream of track and field. And something was wrong with my knee. I go, I fly back home. This is California, fly back to St. Louis, I see Dr. Lehman, and he's like, Yeah, you're gonna have to have knee surgery. I remember being so angry with God because I was so confused. I have I have so much on my plate, I have so much on my plate. Are you serious that you think I can handle one more thing? This is the one time you're wrong. Like I was I was so angry on my watch. I did, I pushed 60 seconds, he stepped out, I lost it. I'm like, you gotta be. I'm just and I was like, all right, what do we have to do? What's up, what's next? I'm like, so what's the plan? Because I don't have I 60 seconds, acknowledge how I felt. The challenge seemed so instrumental. Like God's gonna have to like, he's gonna have to come down and help me himself. There's no way, there's no way I can that's the 60 seconds after that. It's 100% possible. Straighten up. It's 100% possible. Like I said, there's no wulda, coulda, shoulda. Like, if it won't be, it won't be because I refuse. And so that challenge is one that I'm very clear was my foundation has shattered. That's what it felt like. There was nothing, I was falling into the depths of the abyss, and I'm like, how do you get out? Well, if I have to create another foundation, then that's what I'll do. Like, I was so set on I'm making this team and I'm getting on that podium. And I remember working my way back, it was not fun, but I would sneak on to UCLA's track, they would start to kind of lock the track up, and I wasn't running yet, I was still riding the bike. I would sneak onto the track and do workouts at nighttime, seven, eight o'clock at night. And I remember it was finally time to come back to the track. And you know, you have those moments where you're like, Can I still do it? Because in my training group, there were four of us three, the Olympic defending champion, two-time world champion, and the collegiate record holder, where I was in that race when she rolled out on me. And then there's me. Now understand they only take three in the US, in my camp, fourth best. We didn't include Texas, Florida, no other place, just in my camp on fourth best. How do you believe in that situation? How do you because you really sound crazy to say that I think I can win when the defending champion who has won the Olympics is here, she's rolling. Two time world. How do you continue to believe? But I was very clear that I'm going to do the small things. I remember I had a moment where I had written down all these questions for my coach. And I, because I'm scared. I'm at this point, I'm like, I'm working, but I'm really like, but is it gonna work? Like you have that moment where you're like, You're, I mean, I'm a dog, I'm a but is it gonna work? And I tell my coach, because he would do this thing of walk with me, talk with me. And you would walk around the track, and he would, that was the hard conversations, right? And so I had written down the night before, I mean, I had like 25 questions just and I go to him and I'm like, Bobby, can I? And I close the book and I was like, no, walk with me. And he's like, What? And I'm like, walk with me, talk with me. Because it was like, look, I don't have time for you gotta put aside all this. The challenge is here. What is it gonna be? And so I go, Bobby, do you think I can still make this team? That's the only question I have for you. And he's like, I wouldn't be coaching you if I didn't think so. And I was like, Let's get to work. And it was just you could almost play the rocky music. Like every day was just like grind, grind. I mean, I'm going home, I'm eating, drinking water was like with purpose. Like it was just everything it was. It was just, I had to face that challenge, understand that this is a big one. The world is coming together to bring the three best. But I believe even with knee surgery, I am one of the best, if not the best. I had people, yeah, you have doubters, everyone will, but the voices that were like, you are so loud, could you back up, were the positive. It was were the positive ones. Like my coach Fanoy, Nino Fanoy, who coached Jackie Joanna Kercy as well. He would, when you take pictures, when you screen in the morning, in the morning, he'd be like, Good morning, champion. You're like, Good morning, coach. You know, good morning, coach. When we would take pictures, you know how you say say cheese, he'd be like, say I'm a state champion. I don't need cheese, it's not say I'm state champion. And so even for our whole team, this is I'm talking about first day of practice. He's like, first day of practice, everyone, stay champion. Because we went, you're like, we're state champion, Coach Final, you're just doing a lot. And what it felt like was he was pouring this into us and making us understand one day you will need this like the air you need to breathe. You will need to understand you are great because one day you will be somewhere like the Olympics where maybe no one else is telling you you're great. So you have to know this from today in every day of your life. You're gonna be faced with friends that's gonna say, Hey, you want to skip school? And I'm too great for that. I'm a champion. I can't do that. So on this small scale, to go into UCLA, walking in a classroom of 300, and I'm like, it's about five African American students. Okay, I'm still great. I'm still great. Going to UCLA is tracking understanding, Gail Devers, Jackie Joanna Kersey, Bobby Kersey has coached, he's gotten a gold medal in every gold medal, I mean every Olympic since 1984. I am wanted to carry on that legacy, can't I? You're still great. Going to the Olympics, like I said, and you're lining up, and you got Jamaica, you have Australia, Canada, I'm still great. So that to me, and then the love from my mother is, and I love it because I get to now be that person that can say, when the floor falls out, mama's got you. I had such a great example of that unconditional, and I mean unconditional love, because by no means as a kid was I perfect. By no means as a kid was my sister perfect. But I've never questioned if my mother loved me or if I was worthy to her. Like I would my my thing would be I remember at NBC Olympics, after I win, they I do an interview and they say, So what do you want to do to celebrate? And I said, I want to go home to my Aunt Flossie's and have Thanksgiving dinner with my family. That's that and they were like, I'm like, that's it. Well, I have always been this champion to them, so I want to go where it all started, where I knew I was great.

Worthiness Starts At Home

SPEAKER_04 8:46

This episode of The Burn is brought to you by our dear friends and partners at Q Logics. Now, you know I don't co-sign things I don't believe in. And I believe in John Chirono and the team at Q Logics. He's built multiple nine-figure businesses, real integrity, real character, the kind of guy you want in your corner. But here's what happened. All that expertise, all that knowledge, it was just his. Locked in his head, his decisions, his team. You couldn't access it. So John created Q Logic. He basically said, How do I make everything I've built available to people who actually need it? Here's what that looks like. Q Logic helps you see the blind spots in your business, the gaps you don't even know you have. You don't know what you don't know. They're your tour guide through that. Q Logic helps you build systems that make your business work better or they ask better questions so you're approaching it in the most effective way. And Q Logic has access to a network of businesses and resources, real connections, real synergies that can accelerate what you're building. If any of that resonates, go to QPLogics, l-o-g-i-x.com forward slash Ben. Fill out a form. Your team will research your situation personally, then they'll tell you straight can they actually help? Thank you to our friends and partners at Q Logics. Make sure you find out more about Q Logics and your opportunity to win more with them today. You know, it brings so much emotion when you just you hear this type of passion and then you see, because that's what I love in my work is the opportunities to work with amazing individuals like you who have the passion, but then take it and go do with it. But you mentioned something so amazing is that you were told you were worthy in your house.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

And, you know, for the parents, which you know, Dawn is a mother. Yeah, I'm a father. Yeah, you know, we have to do a better job these days of our children in this fast-paced world of letting our kids know you're worthy, you are a champion, you do have it in you because this world is moving so fast. We we got kids who they don't even really communicate with their parents because their heads are in their phones. They just everything is moving so fast, and what an amazing lesson to learn from your mom. It it it makes me very emotional because I got that from my mother, but for a very short period of time, for seven years, I didn't get that from my father. I got I got the opposite. I got the strain, I got the pain, I got the let me let me show you how powerful I am. I'm gonna hold back. So, for those parents listening, you get one or the other. There ain't much in between. You're either gonna pour belief into your kids or you're gonna pour pain into your kids' hearts. And I just I really wanted to capture how beautiful that is that that mother was that source of worthiness for you. Where did this start? Where did you find that fire inside of you, that burn to basically ignite your life this way?

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Well, I wasn't always like this. And I want to say that because I'm sure there's somebody listening to this right now that's like, yeah, Jen, whatever. Like, is it just in you? Like, I can't find that burn within me. And it's just not innately in me. And I think that that's okay if you don't have that innately in you and you desire it, because I want to make sure that everybody listening understands that this was not always within me. I didn't always have this burn to work hard. I didn't always have this discipline. I believe that discipline is built over time. It's built by putting in the reps, by doing the hard thing again and again and again and realizing every time you do the thing that you don't want to do, that hard thing, whether it's a workout, having a hard conversation, starting that book, writing that one post, going live that one time, it's really hard. You don't want to do it, but you do it and you get to the other side. You prove to yourself a little something about yourself that maybe you didn't know before. And so for me, it was, I used to, I was, I was an actress. I was used to, yes, going, I think that it was innately in me to uh persevere when I got rejected. So I was always going from audition to audition to audition, getting heard no after no after no. And I think that there was some perseverance that was innately in me there. But when it came to building my own business and leaving acting and starting to build my entrepreneurial journey, whatever it turned out to be, which was so all over the place, everything from fitness to PR to now events and coaching and uh teaching people how to build brands and writing books. But the the steps to get there were a little bit more challenging. And I found that every single time I did something that I wasn't sure about doing, I set a commitment with myself and I did something difficult. Uh I'll I'll never forget, I'll give you an example then. So when you mentioned I was a host on VH1, I was on Broadway, I was an actress, and that was my life. And within one week's time, all of that came crumbling down. I lost my TV show. The guy that I was dating uh left me, kicked me out of our apartment. Uh, I I had completely lost myself because the show that I was on was about heavy metal music, and I don't like heavy metal music, and I was playing this version of myself that I I had that was like couldn't be further from who I really was. So I found myself with really no money, no connections, and not knowing who the hell I was anymore. And I had to pick myself back up and I went into a deep dark depression because I had no idea what was next. And I'll never forget this day. My mom came into the city, I lived in New York City at the time, and she handed me this book. She didn't know what to do with me because I was so depressed. And it the book was called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. And it was a book full of these affirmations. And at the time, I was not into personal development. I I wanted, I had wanted nothing to do with affirmations. I was like, okay, mom, whatever. These affirmations, this is so dumb. I just want to lay in my bed and I don't want to do anything. I was not having it. I was not disciplined. I was, I had no burn. Ben, forget there was no burn. I woke up and I remember thinking to myself, if I don't change, nothing is going to change. And I open up this book that my mom gives me, and she's so smart because she knew I wasn't gonna read the affirmations in the book. So she printed one out on a piece of paper and put it inside. And on the back of that, this printout, it said, Dear Jenny, I hope you find yourself again. So I said to myself, I said, All right, I'm gonna make one commitment to myself. I'm gonna read this stupid affirmation every day. Even if I don't believe it, even if I if I'm not all in on it, even if I think it's stupid, I'm just gonna read it every day. And I put it on my refrigerator, and it was the one hard thing. And believe it, that doesn't sound hard to some people here, but for me that was hard because I was in a really dark spot. I'm gonna do this one hard thing every single day, no matter what. And I don't know if it was the affirmation that did anything for me, but I read it. I don't know if it changed my mindset. I don't know. But I do know that it was the first time I ever made a commitment with myself and stuck with it consistently. And every time I read it, I felt a little bit better about myself because I proved to myself that I could do the thing that I didn't want to do. And it's all of those tiny little wins that added up that got me outside of my apartment, that got me to Barnes and Noble reading personal development books, that got me to learn how to build my own business, that got me to taking more and more action steps that were harder and harder and harder, because confidence is built over time by doing hard stuff that you don't really want to do and proving to yourself that you can't.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

And I think a lot of times people say, I don't have hope in this chapter that I'm in in my life. You know, our dear friend Jamie Kern Lima and her new book, uh, Be You know, worthy. It, you know, it understanding that you're worthy, understanding you have this brand where you need to be seen. Like when you're in that struggle, you don't feel worthy. You don't want to be seen, you want to hide. And you've stepped into this message. And Dr. Lyon said it, and I felt it when we did our panel together at that Forever Strong Summit, when she said that Jen Gottlieb is one of the best speakers in the world, and you're just gonna hear her name get bigger and bigger and bigger. And you've shared the stage with Gary Vanderchuk. You've shared the stage with Marie Forlio, you've shared the stage with Eric Thomas, you've shared the stage with Emmett Smith, you've shared the stage with Martha Stewart, you've done it at the biggest level. We shared the stage together as part of the real leaders top 50 speakers in the world list, which is really cool too.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

I shared the stage with Ben German all those people.

HOPE And Sharing Your Story

SPEAKER_04 16:58

So I share all that to say you were in this period of time where you didn't want to be seen, you didn't feel worthy, you probably didn't feel hope. And now to be recognized as one of the top 50 speakers in the world, I just want to frame that for everybody because what I felt from you, and this is really powerful, is for you to say that is like you didn't have, you didn't know you were gonna have it. Now you have this. I don't even think you care. I don't think it's about the recognition. Like what I felt from that stage was like, you just want to help everybody find their voice. You want people to find their brand, you want people to find that dynamic individual that's inside of them. Am I reading that correctly? About like, I know fast friends, but like that's what I felt. Like, go ahead, read the bio. I don't care. I want to touch that next person. That's what I feel from you.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

Yeah, I live by this acronym HOPE, H O P E. It stands for help one person every day. And this concept of literally what you're talking about. And I a lot of people that I talk to every day are scared to put themselves out there. They're scared to step on the stage, they're scared to go on social media, they're scared to speak their truth, they're scared to put themselves out there and talk about what they do or what they love and build their brand. And it's because they're worried about what I used to be worried about, which is what everybody thinks of me and what I look like, and if I look good enough and if they're gonna judge me and if they're gonna like it or if they're gonna share it. The second that I was able to let go of all of that BS, because none of that stuff matters. If you have a service or a story or a product, and I'll double down on story because you don't have to have this, isn't just for entrepreneurs, this is just somebody with a service or a product. If you have a story that can help other people, I believe that it's not about me. It's actually my responsibility to make that story visible to other people so that I can help them. It's not about all the masses, it's not about helping millions really at this point. Each day I wake up and I'm like, who's the one person that I'm talking to right now that needs my help? One person. And I look at my phone in the morning, I put my makeup on on Instagram every single day. So it's definitely not about what I look like. It's definitely not about that. Uh I don't care about that anymore. And I think about the one person, maybe the one person that was listening to that live this morning that, you know, needed to hear that message in order to get out of bed that day, or in order to go call that person that they haven't spoken to in years and say, you know what, I'm so sorry, I'm really grateful for you. Or maybe the one person that's listening to this right now. It's not about us. It's not about, I mean, yes, I love connecting with you, but really we're creating this content for the listener. And I think when you can flip your mindset around and the perspective around and make it not be about the likes and the follows and the comments and the admiration and like, oh my God, what are they gonna think of me? Or maybe the fear of what people will say, and you flip it around and you think about that one human being that is on the other side. There is one person that's watching that content that you're creating or reading it or listening to it, that maybe one thing that you say to them is going to change the way that they show up today. And maybe because they changed the way they showed up today, they're gonna actually treat their family differently. They're gonna show up differently when they go to the grocery store, they're gonna show up differently at their job, and that's gonna affect the people around them. And maybe those people are gonna show up differently. You could create a snowball effect every single day. So I love this. I don't get tired of this. Like I have this burn, this burn that you feel right now. Like I could talk to you all day and not get tired. The reason is because I I just get so filled up and fueled up, and I feel so much joy when I think about hopefully the person that's sitting on the other side that that I used to be that maybe is getting jazzed by this conversation and will go show up in a different way today.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

Where does this fire for your work come from?

SPEAKER_01 20:32

The fire comes from, you know, the way I grew up, Ben, I grew up with an alcoholic mother. My parents were divorced. I had a stepfather come into my life, you know, around seven, but it was a very, very volatile home. My mom worked a lot of jobs, you know, she wasn't there in the morning, she wasn't there at night. And so I grew up having to be very independent, but I also grew up going, this is not going to be the way I live my life. I I will not live like this. And it wasn't for a lack of love for her anything, but I just saw how hard it was. I saw how much she struggled. I saw how the addiction overtook her. I saw how she threw my stepfather out of the house every other week because, you know, she was intoxicated and mad about something. And I just longed for a better life. And that's really what created the burn. And as I got older, what became really interesting was she ended up getting sober for about six years before she passed away, which was a blessing. But I had this crazy shift where I thought, you know what, everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. I believe that God makes things happen for us. And if I embrace that theory, then she went through a hell of a lot of stuff. She lived a rough life that gave me the life that I have. And I remember having a conversation with Ed Milad on an airplane, and he said, I said, you know, when they take credit. Credit for what you do now. You know, when you have an alcoholic parent, like, well, I must not have been that bad because look at you. And he said, Well, she didn't do it intentionally, but what she did did impact you. And so that's created the burn for me. You know, she she suffered a long life that was not happy. And I have made a commitment to live a different life and to embrace, you know, what she sacrificed.

Burn Versus Why And Purpose

SPEAKER_04 22:25

So let me actually tie something together here because this is a question that I frequently get. People will say to me, they'll say, Well, the burn is just your way of saying why and purpose. You know, it's just it's just your way of tweaking it. Now, for a lot of people, burn and why and purpose, they actually are the same. But if you're paying attention to what Angie's saying, her burn, that is far different than why and purpose. So if you could share with us your actual why and purpose, because similar for me, my burn being my mom, I would never wish what I went through as a young boy watching my mother pass away and having 24-hour nursing care in the house. But that gave me an appreciation of how important every day was. So that's my burn. My why and purpose wouldn't be for my kids to go through what I went through, but it's that burn that caused me to appreciate every day that ignites my why and my purpose. And that's what I love about your work and your uh how you show up every day. It's the same for you. So you wouldn't wish that example of your burn on your why and purpose. So can you help us understand the difference for you? So that's clearly your burn, and then what the why and purpose is so people can see how that burn causes you to take ownership every day to ignite that why and purpose.

Values Over Feelings For Consistency

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Yeah, and I think you what you have said before too is like that you talk about the burn being that first thing you think of, you know, or you see it on your, you know, alarm, and you are not going to turn away from it. You are not going to hit that snooze button. And it truly is that burn. Like I will not be overweight and unhealthy like my mother. I will not do all these things. That's the burn. But the why is because I have been gifted to help people change their lives. And I love to do that. I mean, selfishly, I love to be a part of somebody's journey. I love someone seeing that they are capable of something they never thought they were capable of before. And that, you know, that becomes a why for me. That is my purpose. That is why I'm here, including being able to give that to my kids for to role model that, to show them, you know, what I'm doing every single day is changing my life, is affecting their life, is affecting other people's lives. So the why is different, you know, than the burn. One feels it's funny the way you say it, like the burn actually feels different. It is literally a burn and not always the pleasant burn for me, but the why is a little bit more inspirational and it's kind of like the stars lighting up for me. We have got to see what we need to see in order to make change in our life, in order to grow. And I think a lot of people go with this ignorance is bliss, and it's hard to deal with the pain or you know, seeing something that isn't so pleasant, but you've got to have that awareness because there's so much opportunity when you have awareness. And I'm not saying it has to be judgmental. Like most people, if they have that awareness, they're so hard on themselves and so judgmental that that's what closes their eyes to the awareness. But when we treat that awareness like a gift, like, wow, I can see that my finances aren't where they're supposed to be. I can see that I'm not showing up at my highest level. That is a blessing and a gift to say, what do I want to do about it? But if we can't see it, we have zero opportunity to change it.

SPEAKER_04 25:43

And so that leads me to the next question that I had because it's so powerful hearing you express it because it really is that simple. You have to be able to see it, you got to be able to understand it, you got to be able to attack it. And I, for years, have taught a concept standard over feelings. And I love the book. And as I had mentioned in the in the intro, I was reading the book when I needed it. So a lot of people they think just because we're coaches that we don't need coaching, I tell you guys all the time, I've still got two coaches, I'm reading books every day. I needed Angie's book at the point in time when I was reading the book. So it's like, yes, you're preparing for our time together with all of you, but it's like I actually needed the book. So here I am. I teach standard over feelings, I'm reading values over feelings in your book, and I'm like, I need this right now. This is really and there's really synergy. It's really almost the same concept. We're just saying it a different way. But how important has that been for you? And how important is that in your coaching work? If you could really take some time and to dive into why values over feelings is so important for you.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Sure, sure. I mean, most of our world is run by feelings. I mean, think about it. If you're at a football game and the team is winning, right? There's good feeling and there's excitement. If they're losing, the energy feels a little bit different. If you're in an office full of people and they're all making cold calls and it's buzzing and people are getting business, there's high energy. And so you're gonna feel one way. If it's quiet and was COVID and a ghost town, you're the only one there, your feelings are gonna be different. And 90% of our actions are subconscious. They come from our feelings, what's going on around us. If we constantly operate on our feelings, we're more than 50% of the time going to end up with regret and remorse because you may not feel like getting out of bed in the morning. That's normal. It's cold, you're tired, but you are not going to be happy later if you didn't get that workout in, if you, if you were late for work, whatever it may be. So we have to have a set of values, something that we can live to and know that what's important to me, you know, my values are faith, family, alone time, growth and development, challenge, all of accomplishment, those are some of my values. So I know that when that feeling comes up and says, Oh, you know, it's kind of cold out, you don't really feel like working out, it doesn't matter. That feeling is irrelevant because I know my values say, I like to grow and develop, I like a challenge, I like accomplishment, I like physical activity. So if you have these values to use as a compass, then you always choose what's in alignment for you and your best life and your best success instead of being, you know, lured by your feelings.