Speaker 1: 0:27

no-transcript. Mental toughness doesn't mean never feeling pain. It means living every day in alignment with your mission, purpose and values, even when you're terrified and even in the face of adversity. Mental toughness is the ability to stay rooted in who you are, even when the world tries to break you or change you. It requires overriding your survival instincts to try to keep you playing small, avoiding risk and running from discomfort rather than leveraging it. Mental toughness means breaking free from the self-limiting beliefs imposed by your trauma and past experiences so that you can step into your God-given potential. It's refusing to be defined by what happened to you and choosing instead to grow from it. It's the willingness to fail forward, to turn losses into lessons, pain into purpose. The willingness to fail forward, to turn losses into lessons, pain into purpose and setbacks into significance. Mental toughness means you would rather aim high and miss than aim low and succeed. It means choosing victory over victimhood, courage over complacency, mission over mediocrity, faith over fear. Rather than regretting the past or worrying about the future, mental toughness is choosing to focus only on what you can control, your effort and your attitude in the present moment. It's not something we were born with. It's a choice, a daily commitment to the unwavering pursuit of a meaningful legacy, regardless of what life throws at you. It's a mindset that is forged in the fire of overcoming adversity. When mentally tough people hit moments of temporary defeat, they don't allow themselves to get derailed, because they know there is a future version of themselves that is counting on them to keep fighting. More importantly, they know that the world is counting on them because they recognize that they are called to fulfill a purpose greater than themselves.

Speaker 1: 2:27

When I was 16 years old and facing life in prison for a crime I didn't commit, I put a gun in my mouth and almost pulled the trigger. And when I was inevitably sentenced to 10 years in adult prison and housed in solitary confinement because I was underage, I thought about killing myself every day. Tragically, my best friend and alleged co-defendant actually followed through with it. He was found dead in his cell. He hung himself. Thank God I didn't, because today I get to be a voice of hope and an example of resilience and redemption. I get to empower people to free themselves from their past, rewrite their story and turn their pain into purpose and create a meaningful and lasting legacy.

Speaker 1: 3:14

In alignment with my mission to fight addiction, homelessness, suicide and recidivism, I've scaled multiple businesses, closed multi-million dollar deals, traveled the world with my wife and four beautiful daughters, and stood on stages with the most inspiring people in the world. Today, I live a life of meaning and abundance, not in spite of my painful past, but because of it. This higher version of myself was forged in the fire. I have learned to be grateful for everything I went through, because it became the fuel that propelled me towards greatness. And my fight isn't over. I face new challenges and setbacks every day, but I know from experience that these are opportunities to learn, grow and strengthen my mind.

Speaker 1: 4:00

Mental toughness is about viewing pain as a gift rather than a punishment. I have a tattoo on my hand that says life is the gift, because life is the gift. The good and the bad. 150,000 people die every day, and today you aren't one of them. How lucky are we to be alive and feeling any of the emotions on the spectrum, including sadness, fear, grief, anger or stress? It's all just any of the emotions on the spectrum, including sadness, fear, grief, anger or stress. It's all just part of the human experience. And if we go even deeper, the reality is that negative emotions and experiences are only negative because we label them that way Our perception shapes our reality.

Speaker 1: 4:42

In Buddhism, this is one of the core philosophies on the path to achieving enlightenment, which is defined as achieving eternal happiness and peace, independent of external circumstances. Regardless of your religion or your higher power, buddhism offers a universal wisdom and valuable lessons for everyone. Buddhism is simply a way of being, a set of principles and core beliefs, supported by science and psychology, that promote a happy and fulfilling life. In fact, to me, buddhism embodies the very mindset that defines mental toughness. One of my favorite books on Buddhism is how to Train a Happy Mind A Skeptic's Path to Enlightenment, which offers a universal and pragmatic approach to embracing the life-enhancing benefits of Buddhism. One of my favorite excerpts from the book can be found in the first paragraph, and it beautifully illustrates the non-denominational and altruistic nature of Buddhism, which states Buddhism is not meant to create more Buddhists, but to generate happy minds.

Speaker 1: 5:46

When it comes to this concept that our perception shapes our reality, this is not just some feel-good motivational quote meant to downplay hardship. It is a scientific fact. Both suffering and joy are the result of how we interpret and respond to experiences, not the experiences themselves. If we zoom out and view the world objectively, everything that exists and everything that happens to us and around us is merely a collection of atoms. Everything we feel is a biological response and a chemical reaction to these external collections of atoms. Every experience and emotion is neither negative nor positive. It is neutral. Our perception is what labels them and therefore shapes our reality.

Speaker 1: 6:32

The physical and neurological symptoms of fear and excitement are nearly identical Increased heart rate, rapid breathing, elevated blood pressure and heightened senses. Both emotions activate the sympathetic nervous system and engage the amygdala, triggering a surge of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol. In both situations, this chemical reaction is designed to increase our chances of survival. With fear, these hormones and physical symptoms prepare your body to escape danger, whereas with excitement, they prepare your body to escape danger, whereas with excitement, they prepare your body to pursue opportunity and reproduction. Regardless of the purpose, the physical response is nearly identical, yet our brain chooses to perceive one as positive and the other as negative. Fear and excitement are merely made-up words and labels that our mind imposes on the same physiological state.

Speaker 1: 7:23

When you accept this liberating scientific truth, you quickly realize that, no matter what is happening around you or inside of you, you can choose to perceive everything as positive or, at the very least, neutral. It's not your feelings or experiences that shape your reality, it's how you perceive them. This understanding is the essence of mental toughness. Mental toughness isn't the absence of struggle. It is the ability to face it with intention, knowing you control your perception and your response. The 16 year old me who was wrongfully convicted, ripped away from my family and stripped of my freedom was not armed with this powerful information. I didn't enter prison with mental toughness. I discovered it inside those walls. Like Bob Marley once said, you don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. That 16 year old me had no sense of mission, purpose or higher calling. I just knew deep down that this wasn't where my story ended and I needed to prove to the world that they were wrong about us. Which was enough to keep me from giving up and that my friends, is mental toughness. It's the conviction to keep showing up, even when you don't have clarity on where you're going. It's having faith that somewhere along the way, your mission and your purpose will reveal themselves, and that's when you become truly unstoppable.

Speaker 1: 8:48

There are 700,000 suicides every year, 2,000 per day, more than one per minute, and I can't help but wonder what lightness was waiting on the other side of their darkness. What future version of themselves was counting on them to keep fighting? What greater purpose were they meant to fulfill? Had I given up when I was at rock bottom Look at all the highs I would have missed out on All of this. Lightness was waiting for me on the other side of my darkness. I have another tattoo the words Forged in Fire on my neck, because the struggles I have faced, although difficult, woke me up to my purpose and my potential and strengthened me into the man that I am today. So I'll leave you with this. The next time you are faced with temporary defeat, remember that your future self is counting on you to keep fighting. That is mental toughness.

Speaker 2: 9:45

The art of mental toughness.

Speaker 2: 9:49

You know, oftentimes people see my journey, my story, and you know they think that my response has always been cultivated by just being this talented individual, this skillful individual, this individual that's always had the goods. And I'm going to be honest with you, that's not true. You know I was never the biggest, the fastest, the strongest. A lot of people know my background was in athletics, coming up, you know, projected draft pick, played football at the University of Tennessee, cornerback, starter, captain on my team, and I had an injury. You know that change impacted ultimately I almost lost my life behind it and, extremely grateful for it, responded to it, thankful for it. But I think the thing that prepared me for the adversity and the opposition and the challenge and challenges that I still face to current day is, you know I've encountered a lot of hardship. You know a lot of failure, a lot of opposition. You know a lot of challenges. You know to where it's cultivated my mindset. It's cultivated my state of mind. It's cultivated my perception and perspective about challenges and just how to deal with things right. And so one moment that I want to point out in particular you know, when I was coming up, my grandfather for as long as I knew my grandfather, he never had any legs. You know, both his legs have been amputated, and so he used to be in a wheelchair. And so, you know, oftentimes when he was in a wheelchair he had the wheelchair, not the motorized deal At the time, he had the one that you would push, and so you know I would push him around a lot. My grandfather never got the opportunity to see me play, you know, in person. He would just have the paper on a Saturday morning Atlanta Journal-Constitution. You know I went to Atlanta Public School System and so whatever I did in athletics it would always be in the paper. And so we would sit on the porch on Saturday mornings we would read, you know, the paper together and he hey, man, I saw you scored this. I see in the paper they say you did this and we would discuss it. And then I would roll him up to the corner. Sometimes I would roll him up to the store, roll him up to the church's chicken, and it gave me a sense of responsibility and accountability.

Speaker 2: 12:29

But during those times, you know he would talk to me about life. You know he would share different things with me. But also I got to watch him navigate life differently, you know, with no legs. You know I got to watch his perspective live, and in color. I got to watch. You know how he saw things. I got to watch you know how he saw things. I got to watch how he set his demeanor every single day. I got to watch what he brought to our household, you know, because I was coming up with my mom, my grandma it was two back from home, it was 14 people. So I got to watch what he brought into the household every single day, you know, with a condition that many people we were around didn't have. You know.

Speaker 2: 13:11

He told me things like hey ink, you know, many people dismiss people based upon you know their situation, their circumstance, or if they don't have a certain title, he would always say to me you, son, you can learn something from anybody. Don't just worry about the title, don't worry about this situation or circumstance, you can learn something from anybody. He was the one that taught me about humility. You know, showing up every single day and approaching things at the foundation, having humility, because whenever humility is present, no matter what you've done, no matter how much success you've had, there's always a better way and you feel as if you can always get better when humility is present. But, importantly, humility is always connected to God and not people, right. And so he taught me that.

Speaker 2: 13:53

And so when I encountered challenges coming up through the ranks as a young athlete, I was always told I wasn't big enough. I was always told, you know, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't fast enough and it would crush me because I would work. You know, I would put in all this work and people will come and they will write me off, but I will respond. You know, I just had this unrelenting belief. I just had this fire inside of me. So when I made it to college, I was the first one in my family to go to college, big deal, and I was playing ball. I had a scholarship and in my junior season there were talks about me making it to the league and I went out to make a simple tackle, something I've been doing since I was seven years old and I end up in the emergency room fighting for my life.

Speaker 2: 14:41

The medical term for my injury was a brachial plexus avulsion. I ruptured the main artery in my chest. They had to rush me back, take the main vein out of my left leg, plug it into my chest in order to save my life, and I got six cuts down my left thigh, one cut across the left side of my neck, one across the right, twice through my right ribs, cut out my right pec, bottom of my armpit to the bottom of my hand. I remember looking in the mirror. I didn't even look the same and, if I could be honest, it crushed me. You know, it crushed me, man. I felt like I had put in all this work, my whole life, and I just got stopped in my tracks. It was almost if I was on a track and I could see the flags, I could see the finish line and then boom, something hit me, knocked me off my tracks and I couldn't finish the race. That crushed me, and I always talk to people about manufacturing perspective.

Speaker 2: 15:33

I think that's one of the blessings of adversity opposition. You know unfortunate situations and circumstances when things don't go the way you want them to go. You can whine about it, you can cry about it, you can complain about it, or you can figure it out, or you can manufacture perspective right. You can look at it and say, man, you can manufacture perspective right. You can look at it and say, man, what can I learn from this? What can I extract from this? What can I gain from this? And that had been my perspective and that had been my mind state my whole life. Right, just trying to figure things out. Right, what can I learn from it? How can I grow from it? And I went to work. You know, all right man, you got a paralyzed right arm and hand. All right man, you got over 350 staples in your body. What are you going to do with this? Like, how can you use this?

Speaker 2: 16:17

And when I started out, I just started out like my grandfather man, trying to control what I brought into environments every single day. I didn't know I would be traveling around the country doing the work that I've been doing for the past 19 years. I wasn't thinking about that. I was just trying to control what I can control every single day and what I brought to environment. Right, good state of mind, good energy, right, good attitude, right, trying to set my day right Every single day. I tell people all the time.

Speaker 2: 16:47

I feel as if, as people, we let situations, circumstances and things hijack our happiness so easy. We just let. When something happens, it hijacks our joy, it hijacks our peace. We could be having a great day and something happens hijacks our peace, it can hijack our joy, it can hijack our. It can change and turn our whole day around.

Speaker 2: 17:09

And so, for me, every single day, when my injury happened and I started to adapt the new normal, I encountered things that I could no longer do. Every single day I would run into a new obstacle that at one point in my life I was able to do, that now I couldn't do it, so that wouldn't just affect me physically, that would affect me mentally, and so it was like Inc. Every single day, man. Don't let anything hijack your joy, bro. Don't let things hijack your peace. Don't let things hijack you know, your state of mind. Don't let things hijack your happiness. Control what you can control and bring that into environments.

Speaker 2: 17:46

Every single day and I look up, man, and I'm doing you know the work. I look up and I'm responding in the right fashion. I look up and I'm thankful and grateful for the things that I had encountered right, like really was grateful for it. Because, if I can be honest with you, I feel as if some of the most beautiful people that we know walk in the face of the planet are people that's been through hardship, adversity, opposition, challenges, people that's experienced loss. Right. It gives you depth as a person. Nobody wants to be around or talk to hollow people, people that hasn't been through anything. I think it's a beautiful thing, man, when you can acknowledge your shortcomings, you can acknowledge your failures, when you can acknowledge nah, man, I'm not there yet, but I'm working.

Speaker 2: 18:43

A person asked me man, how do you define excellence? Greatness? I said it's the courage to have the pursuit right. It's not perfection, it's the courage to be on the pursuit every single day to become better. Right, like the aggregation of marginal gain, every single day, waking up and pursuing better. Right, I'm a father, I just want to be better man. I'm a husband, I just want to be better man. I'm a husband, I just want to be better right. As a man, I just want to be better right, it's the pursuit, because every single day you're going to hit things, you're going to encounter things to where you're going to have to sometimes step back, readjust, reorganize, edit your life, but stay on the pursuit to be better. Be thankful for the challenges, be thankful for the adversity, be thankful for the opposition. Be thankful for the opposition, because those are the same things that at one point in your life it breaks you, but at another point in your life it builds you to being a part of this with you.

Speaker 3: 19:51

Thank you for the invitation. I'm Molly Fletcher, former sports agent, turned author, keynote speaker and host of the podcast Game Changers with Molly Fletcher. So for almost 20 years I was a sports agent, which meant I had a courtside seat to peak performance, to the mindset of some of the best athletes and coaches in the world. And here's what's interesting about the world of sports that I think is particularly relevant to share today that the fans see, the world see, in the world of sports, the big moments. The fans see the moments of achievement the hoisting of a trophy, the big contract, the draining of a putt to win a tournament. The world sees all of these big moments of achievement. But for me, as an agent, for two decades, every day, all day long, I saw everything in between Everything in between the moments of achievement, what got them there, who stayed and what kept them there and, at some level, who they became as a result of the pursuit. And what I love about this is that literally my first key in my latest book, dynamic Drive, is mindset. It is anchored so much in what Ben talks about, what Ben teaches mental toughness, and so I want to unpack and share a story that I think is particularly relevant.

Speaker 3: 21:17

When I was early in my career, I was hired at a small agency, essentially to help find endorsement and appearance deals for the athletes and coaches that we had, which wasn't a ton. I had been Lenny Wilkins driver throughout the Olympics, which was in Atlanta that year, and when I had finished driving him around to his appearances and endorsements and things like that that were happening as the head coach of the Dream Team, when that all ended, I remember sitting in my office and I was sitting down and you know we had a half a dozen clients. I had just wrapped up the Olympics with Lenny and I was sort of sitting on the floor in my office and I can still see it. I was sort of sorting through these lanyards from the Olympics and I remember in that moment thinking how are we going to grow as an agency? How are we going to grow? How are we going to get more athletes, more coaches and do their contracts and impact their careers on and off the field? How are we going to do that? And I remember sort of sitting there thinking, golly, you know what is our growth plan? And I popped up and sort of walked into our leader's office and he was looking out the window and I said can I ask you a quick question?

Speaker 3: 22:32

He said sure, and I said I'm just curious, what is our growth plan? And he said what do you mean? And I said, well, what's our plan? To get more clients, more athletes, more baseball players, more coaches. What's our strategy, what's our plan? And he very confidently sort of said, well, it's referrals. I mean, we've acquired the clients that we have through referrals. And I said, yeah, no, that's awesome. And I sort of paused and I said, well, what would it look?

Speaker 3: 23:00

like if we got a little bit more aggressive. He said well, what do you mean? And I said, well, like you know, there's all these baseball players coming out of Atlanta. There's, the Braves are here. You know we've got college programs, you know minor league teams, pro teams, what would that look like? And I remember he sort of looks out the window and then he looks back up at me. I was still standing in the in the doorway and he said look, you know what, if you can figure it out, knock yourself out, go for it. It out, knock yourself out, go for it. And so I went back and I really dug in and thought, gosh, I'm going to start with baseball. Georgia Tech is based in Atlanta, where I am, and they have a great program and you know there's minor league teams, pro teams, the Braves, a great organization. I thought, you know, I'm going to just sort of dig in and try to start here. And I got my head around it.

Speaker 3: 23:47

But I didn't grow up going to baseball games. I certainly didn't know the game per se. And so I found myself down at Georgia Tech within days leaning on the fence and I was sort of bookended by scouts and cross checkers and all the folks that are inside of the baseball scouting system and I'm sort of bookended by these guys with clipboards and stopwatches and chewing tobacco and bubble gum and I'm like looking down this fence and the players are out taking BP and batting practice and fielding balls. And as a couple of the guys that I had sent some notes to had come by the fence, they stopped to talk to me for a minute, had sent some notes to, had come by the fence, they stopped to talk to me for a minute and within seconds the coach yells at them. One of the coaches not the head coach, but one of the position coaches, I think yelled at the guys and said look, what are you guys doing, man? Like come on, let's go, quit, quit. And I think one of them said quit hitting on that chick, get over here and shag balls and stretch and let's go. And that happened a few times, that happened at other ballparks, that happened there.

Speaker 3: 24:56

And I remember moments when I would get in my car and walk to my car and I remember this distinctly that day, walking to my car and thinking maybe this is going to be a little bit tough, maybe this is crazy, like maybe. I mean the fence was lined with guys in my car and thinking maybe this is going to be a little bit tough, maybe this is crazy. Like, maybe I mean the fence was lined with guys right. Like maybe this is just going to be a little too early, I'm not sure, maybe I can't do this, maybe, you know, I didn't play the game, maybe this is just not going to work, maybe I can't do this. And then I remember thinking, gosh, you know, wait, maybe this is a gift. Now, certainly not in that same moment.

Speaker 3: 25:35

But I remember later considering what if this is actually a gift? What if this is a good thing? What if maybe I can recruit an entire family, a girlfriend, a wife, parents, connect in a more holistic way way, maybe, than the guys that I was competing with. And I didn't really know it then. But what I was doing was shifting. Which I think is critical to this event is, I was shifting from an inner critic to an inner coach. I was pulling back and saying wait a minute. Maybe this quote unquote obstacle is in fact an opportunity.

Speaker 3: 26:12

There are so many moments in our lives where the story that we're telling ourselves can keep us stuck. If I had kept telling myself that story, I can't, I won't. You know, I didn't play. I'm not going to be respected If I'm going to keep telling myself that story. I'm going to stay stuck. I wouldn't be here with you today. But if I shift to a story and a script mentally, that's going to serve me and take me where I want to go. Maybe, in fact, this could be a gift. Maybe this obstacle is in fact an opportunity. It was about shifting in that moment and I share that story because there are 70,000 opportunities essentially a day for us to shift our script. The data says that we have like 70,000 thoughts a day and lots of them are automatic, and so if we aren't intentional about shifting our story, then we're going to stay stuck. We're going to tell ourself a story that isn't going to take us where we want to go.

Speaker 3: 27:17

In my latest book, dynamic Drive, as I said, I unpacked seven keys. The first one is mindset. It's the story that we tell ourselves. This strategy to shift quickly and quickly is key. So I teach something I call a TMR, a total mindset reset. So, essentially, consider this TMR total mindset reset and what it is is an opportunity for us to say I'm going to recognize the story, the limiting belief that's keeping me stuck, recognize the story, the limiting belief that's keeping me stuck, I'm going to replace it with something that maybe a great coach or a great teacher would tell me that would take me where I want to go, and then I'm going to reinforce the heck out of this new story.

Speaker 3: 28:02

Maybe it's a screensaver on my phone. Maybe it's a sticky note on my mirror. Maybe it's an accountability partner that's going to support me. Maybe it's alarms on my phone that continue to remind me. Maybe it's a sticky note on my mirror. Maybe it's an accountability partner that's going to support me. Maybe it's alarms on my phone that continue to remind me. Maybe it's a sticky note by my coffee maker on my refrigerator in my car. I am going to reinforce it.

Speaker 3: 28:21

And I saw this strategy in the best athletes in the world, the best athletes and coaches in the world. They have self-doubt. They have an inner critic. What they do incredibly well and incredibly efficiently and often is shift that inner critic to an inner coach. They recognize that the I can't, I won't, I'm not good enough, this isn't going to work, that that is going to keep them stuck. And if we can very quickly recognize the script that's keeping us stuck, replace it with a new script that's going to take us where we want to go and then reinforce it.

Speaker 3: 29:02

In my book Dynamic Drive actually on page 84 of this book I'll spare you from reading a bunch of examples. There are a ton of examples of TMRs that show up in so many people's lives, with folks that we've taught and coached and inspired on stages and in workshops that help people make that critical shift in a way that will take them and serve them and take them where they want to go. So, ben Newman, it's always a pleasure to be attached to you, to support anything you're doing, and certainly mental toughness is a critical component to all of our growth as human beings. It is critical to unlocking what I call our dynamic drive, an inside-out pursuit of a better version of us, stacking one great day, one great story, one great inner coach statement on top of another. So here's to enjoying this incredible experience, learning from a lot of incredible people. I'm humbled and honored to be here and here's to unlocking, as Ben says, your burn.

Speaker 4: 30:16

Go for it but I also want to talk about ways we can continue to win together. You know, the most important thing you have to ask yourself after being part of a mental toughness forum like this one where do you go from here? A couple of things that I'd like to offer as an opportunity Test your burn, that underlying fire that lies inside of you. You know we recently did a replay of a burn conversation I had with Ed Milet when he had me on his podcast years ago, and it's the reason why we have our show called the Burn, where we've had six seasons of people sharing that fire that lies inside of them. Because when you lock in on that underlying fire and that burn, you will show up differently in your life. I make a choice. When I see my mother's name Janet Fishman Newman that Ed makes me talk about, it's right on my alarm on my phone and he talks about the environment that I've created, to see what that burn is every day, and then I write it in my burn journal. Imagine if you did that for the next 30 days. You would show up differently, with a different level of intentional focus, and then you applied and you carried through and thought about some of the messages that you've learned in this forum. After you connected that burn, no more wasting days, and that environment and media and politics all those things they won't even matter and your self-talk of thinking you're finished or ever being seduced by success, you'll begin to drive different levels of mental toughness, building that mental muscle, which is the most important muscle you have. You know so much of your success comes down to how you approach, how you respond to winning and how you fight when you don't feel like it. Connect to your burn for the next 30 days and watch what happens. I would also love for you to run a seven-day test. Try this for me. Think back to the victories that you've had that you've now been thinking about maybe because it's resonated with you some of the messages that you've heard, some of these extraordinary speakers and coaches that have been part of this forum, and you've started to replay back in your mind victories that you've had on your journey of success.

Speaker 4: 32:45

I want you to think about the period of time when you had the most success in your life. I want you to see it up on the canvas of your imagination. I want you to think about the period of time when you had the most success in your life. I want you to see it up on the canvas of your imagination. I want you to pull it down, I want you to put it right in front of your face and I want you to reverse engineer. What were the disciplines you were showing up with in your life then? And I want you to write down what you were doing personally, professionally and in how you were serving others.

Speaker 4: 33:11

We call that your Prizefighter Day. Professionally, and in how you are serving others, we call that your prize fighter day. And for seven days I want you to commit not wasting a day, not missing a discipline, hammering it every day, stacking those days because that's how winning is done. One day at a time, Not worried about results, just hammering the disciplines. And then, in seven days, I want you to check is it making a difference? Are you building momentum or do you need to make some tweaks on the disciplines? If you nailed it, you keep it going one day at a time, Keep stacking days and watch how you win. If you have areas for improvement and we need to tweak the disciplines, tweak the disciplines. You see, that's part of coaching, that's part of the continual process of developing mental toughness. It's not short term, it's a commitment for a lifetime.