Speaker 1: 0:13

Welcome back to another episode of the Burn. I am Ben Newman and you know how we do this. Every single week we're going to bring you a story of an athlete, an entertainer, a celebrity, an entrepreneur, somebody from the business world who has helped us understand that why and purpose is not enough. There's this underlying burn that ignites your why and purpose and causes you to show up on the days you don't feel like it, and especially after you win. And then we have opportunities to bring on like six-time authors.

Speaker 1: 0:47

Opportunities to bring on like six-time authors, one of the most sought after speakers in the world, a podcast host as well, a former sports agent, somebody who knows all about negotiation, all about owning the microphone, owning a room and making a difference in everything that she does. And I do have to say, part of that is because she's a Spartan dog. And so those Michigan State Spartan dogs, we stay together. She definitely don't let that big smile fool you. She has got some dog in her and she has gotten after it in her career. My dear friend, my fellow Spartan dog, molly Fletcher, welcome to the burn.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Hey, it is so fun to be with you. Sparty, I love it. Go green.

Speaker 1: 1:26

Go white Molly. I want to dive right into it because there's so much that we're going to get into. When you think about being a sports agent and doing it at the level in which you did it, and then making a transition out of being a sports agent to now being one of the most sought after speakers in the world six time author, that type of success you've had, like massive success in two different careers in one life and some people are fighting for one, and you've been able to do it at such a high level twice. Before we get there, I want to go all the way back you becoming a division one athlete. You finding that fight to compete, you having that desire to give anything and everything that you touch your best. Where did your burn? Where did your fire come from to compete and live the way that you do?

Speaker 2: 2:22

Well, you know I tell this story sometimes on stage, but my dad was a pharmaceutical sales rep and when I was in middle school I was sort of that dorky, skinny, super small girl and I have two older brothers who pounded on me most of the time. But I would go down to my dad's office and see him and there were Zig Ziglar books on his desk and I would read them and I thought this is really interesting, like you can take in information content and it can make you better, it can make you show up better. So I started reading them and I'd listen to the cassette tapes on my way to tennis tournaments and all those things, and I just began to fall in love with this idea that if we wake up every day and have the burn inside to get a little better that number one life's a lot more interesting and fun and we can unlock a better version of ourselves consistently. And so I think that was a little bit of where it started. And then I think I was always sort of a little bit Ben of an underdog you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 3:23

Like I was the kid in school that had to study really hard to get good grades. You know I was late starting, started tennis at 14, which was super late. I was a walk-on at Michigan State. You know no scholarship right? Local kid give her a shot, kind of deal. I think I was always sort of having to sort of had my chin just barely above the water right, just trying to kind of get something going, and so I think that at some level unlocked a little bit of the burn inside of me. And then I think, from the sports agent perspective, I have always been so fascinated with high performance I think it started with Zig and then it continued with the agent space. The opportunity to be around people that want to and have to truly get better every day is really my burn.

Speaker 1: 4:11

So I love it. Let's stick with something, because a lot of underdogs do have that burn, which makes a lot of sense. Hearing you use that analogy of the underdog because you didn't just a female being a sports agent into relevance, so that is an underdog right there. How much of the underdog played into you saying I don't care that I'm a woman, I will dominate in this space.

Speaker 2: 4:48

Yeah, it's interesting. I mean I, I truly didn't spend a lot of time thinking about the fact that I was a woman. I think I spent a lot of time. Certainly there was thousands of moments, truly moments, where I'd be on the fence at Georgia Tech when I was trying to recruit players out of Georgia I'm based in Atlanta, or you know and then I'd sign a couple guys, or at ballparks, you know, in Durham seeing minor league guys were on the range as we expanded into golf, and there was certainly a lot of times where it was like dude, who is that chick right? Like, is that your girlfriend? I thought your girlfriend. I mean, or like, is that your sister? Or like, what's going on? Did you break up with the other girl? Like, or or like management.

Speaker 2: 5:29

I'll never forget I was in Durham once seeing some guys and a couple of them ran over to talk to me during batting practice and you know, like, and then a couple of the other guys that I didn't represent but I knew I mean it was like Jason Marquis, you know, mccann, frank or DeRosa, like, they're all running over and wrongy, the manager at the time, like yells at him. They're like dude, what are you guys doing Get in the box, let's do this Right. Like why are you hitting on that chick? And they're like and one of my guys is like, dude, that's my agent. And literally the manager was like you got to be Joe Comedian, there's no way. And he's like yeah, so I think the truth is.

Speaker 2: 6:03

I think because of that sort of lens of that, those were the moments where I think I had enough reps to say wait a minute, like I need to shift what I could say to myself which I did at times going maybe this is insane Like people think I'm somebody's girlfriend, sister, whatever To actually. I think this is kind of cool Because what I found was I could flip it and recognize I'm connecting with some of their mothers, maybe a little differently. If it was a kid coming out of high school or college, then maybe a guy would or even connecting with the coaches and even the players who spend all their days and nights with dudes right Because 90% of the clients I recruited were guys.

Speaker 2: 6:46

It was this different set of fresh, nurturing eyes. That was also somebody who had a lens in that competitive space of sports. So it's really about suffocating that inner critic, also somebody who had a lens in that competitive space of sports. So you know, it's really about suffocating that inner critic and turning on the inner coach and I think I had some reps in that, chasing my dream of of playing D one tennis too. That that that helped, that helped unlock that burn.

Speaker 1: 7:12

You mentioned something there that that I think is absolutely awesome, and I actually I think of my wife, amy. So Amy spent 28 years in the corporate world before she earned her retirement 23 years at Anheuser-Busch, retired as a VP. She had multiple different areas of the business where she was a vice president and she used to say the same thing. She's like this is not about me being a woman leader, I am a leader of this organization and there was almost a respect that she demanded when she walked into a room like man, woman doesn't matter, I am a leader and this is what I bring to the table. I'd have to imagine that in such a competitive world like being an agent, it was probably that same attitude you alluded to that earned the respect of the coaches and the players to say wait, wait, wait a second, like there's something special not about this woman, there's something special about this agent. Did that help you with earning their trust?

Speaker 2: 8:07

I think I think so. I mean, I think I try to spend a lot of time focusing on what I could control, focusing on being the very best version of an agent that I could be right, like, less focused on whether I was male or female, and more focused on how can I be great, so great that they have to sign with me, so great that they won't take another meeting with another agent, right and sure, being a female. There was things that I also had to be aware of. I mean I would sit I remember sitting in Detroit once and we were recruiting a left handed pitcher out of Detroit and, and the truth is Ben, my Michigan State guy I mean I didn't have any money and I didn't make a lot of money out of the shoot as an agent and I wanted to be able to fly home to see my parents who still live in East Lansing, and so I was like who's the nicest guy on the Tigers? That's got a lot of potential.

Speaker 2: 8:56

And so I went after him truly, so I could fly home, recruit him from time to time and see my mom and dad. It was kind of kind of hilarious. But anyway, I'm sitting in this lobby meeting with this player and I had one of my male agents because as I continued to grow, I hired candidly guys that could help me round out the conversation with players that I was recruiting, cause I I wasn't. I didn't know why there was a double switch in the bottom of the sixth right, like it, or so there was things that I needed a little bit of that, that baseball acumen from time to time. But I'm sitting with this player and I said and I could tell he was kind of like, what's the deal? Like, who's this chick? Like, what's her story? Right, like, and I think you have to also be aware of that.

Speaker 2: 9:41

And I remember one point saying man, by the way, like dude in the bottom of the second, that was a hanging slider. It hits the outside of the paint and that, once you count man, that was a. That was a bad call. And I might've said another word truly, truly, but like. So I think you also have to recognize where your gaps are and how can you close them in a way that demonstrates that you're in their world, that you get their world and that you're good at what you do. And so you have a couple things like that up your sleeve too, and I always needed to have those, and because there was assumptions that were made and I needed to dial those back, but in a way that felt authentic to me and that drove connection.

Speaker 1: 10:20

And you know, connection for you and conversations that that we've had and hearing you speak and being a part of John Gordon's power positive summit together, which brought us together for the first time. It's been a blessing that you and I had been included in real leaders Top 50 Speakers in the World together before, and so there's a lot of these things that have connected us. One of the things I've always loved is how deeply you did care about connection and relationships even in our engagements together, and I'm excited we finally get to share the stage together at John.

Speaker 1: 10:49

Gordon's training camp event in a couple of weeks. But one of the things I've loved is because of connection and relationship. It appears that you have become a master negotiator and I'd have to imagine that when you care enough about the person, you're willing to fight that much harder. So, number one, I just I want everybody to understand and we're going to make it super easy for everybody to get Molly's books and everything will be in the show notes. Please review the show notes and take action and get the books so you can become better in these areas with the action we're going to ask of you in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 11:26

But, molly, the thing I think about is, with negotiation, there's a lot of things that people miss. I think a lot of people miss it because they don't have the relationships they don't want to fight as hard, because they're not fighting for this person they love and care about and this family they care about. What do you think is one of the common one or two things that people miss when it comes to negotiation, or what's something that you've learned in negotiation that's important for us to know?

Speaker 2: 11:52

that's important for us to know. Sure, well, I think that foundation of a relationship is critical because it holds the space to be able to ask tough questions and if that relationship is strong enough, you can hold a pause for a minute, two minutes, five minutes a week, a couple of days. And so I mean think about the people in your life that you've had to have difficult conversations with. Oftentimes. If that foundation of trust is there, you can have those conversations, which is all negotiation is right is a difficult conversation. Essentially, you can have those conversations and hold that space and know that they're not going to walk away.

Speaker 2: 12:31

I think the biggest mistake people make often is they spend far too much time inside of a negotiation or a critical conversation thinking about what they want what do I want out of this versus getting in the head and the heart of the person that you're negotiating with. So anytime I was negotiating a contract for a baseball player, for example, I wanted to get under the hood deeply. Where are they at overall in their salary numbers right now? How many free agents do they have? Who do they have coming up in the system? I mean everything that I could understand so that I had a good sense for what they were worried about, what mattered to them, what mattered to them relationally, logistically, strategically, what mattered to them financially.

Speaker 2: 13:18

I think the other thing that's critical is when we get often inside of critical conversations, tough conversations, it's easy to get defensive, you know. It's easy to want to sort of come over the top of the table for whatever reason. And what is incredibly helpful, and what was helpful for me, is when I'd feel that way and you physically can feel that in your body, where you tighten up and your breathing gets tighter. Even I would recognize those moments and get as curious as I possibly could, because the more that I could understand where they were coming from and keep them talking candidly, the more information I could get in service of helping solve for what we're both trying to solve for, which is closing a gap for each other, and I just think curiosity is a powerful way. So shifting from defensiveness to curiosity is powerful. That relational foundation is powerful and having the courage to pause is critical. I think the other thing that's important is to not be afraid to walk away.

Speaker 2: 14:21

You know, sometimes we invest so much time and energy into a particular situation that we stay in it, maybe just because we want to get it over the goal line. But we never want to agree to bad deals. We can't be afraid to walk away because otherwise we've got to live into or service or navigate a bad deal for sometimes a long period of time, which isn't anything any of us want.

Speaker 1: 14:45

Right, so powerful. I want to transition here and I want to focus on the word courage. It takes a lot of courage to pivot after two decades of being so well-respected and so successful in a field like being a sports agent and for everybody listening. I think oftentimes and you and I both know this from the amount of speaking and coaching and working and consulting that we do with organizations and with sports teams that oftentimes people are scared for that next chapter. They think they can't repeat it, they can't do it again. They've already experienced their best.

Speaker 1: 15:22

Tell us maybe a thought or two on that person who's struggling right now. Or maybe they've had success and they're scared of that pivot. They're scared that. Is there something else? Can I live a great life and one of the things I love about you is that you own the freedom to do things the way you want to do them, which I know causes you to show up in a great way for your clients. So, whether it's you and your husband doing things, you doing things with your daughters, like that personal freedom which comes from great discipline to work hard, yeah had to come with the courage for you to say I will make this pivot and I will own this pivot. So how hard was it to leave becoming a sports agent with some uncertainty, can I really go create a second unbelievable career?

Speaker 2: 16:10

Right, right. Well, I mean first I would say it is, it is scary and it is hard and it is stomach wrenching and it's all those things. So for people listening, that's okay to feel that, to feel that fear, that pit in your stomach. But what I did know over and over again watching the best athletes and coaches in the world, is they feel all that too. They're scared too inside of big moments and games or tough calls as a coach, but they do it anyway and that's how you get stronger.

Speaker 2: 16:38

And so I think what's critical to ask ourselves is what's at risk to make the change and what's at risk if I don't? And that was the question I sort of asked. And I think what's at risk to do it and what's at risk if I don't? And then I think it's also important to consider having a strong personal board of advisors that have no agenda but to tell you what's going to make you and allow you to show up as the best version of yourself in your life and all the roles you play in your life. And we need those people that are truth tellers, that that have the courage to go dude, I know this is something you really want to do, but like you're not good at it or you're this right, like that'll speak the truth and and and and that's, you know, really, really, really important, but you know it's, it's like I think what's at risk to do it, what's at risk not to, is a really helpful question. I think the other thing to kind of your comment about you know my husband and our girls and is I really became a fan of something that I created and it's in my latest book, dynamic Drive, but it's called an alignment audit, which allows you and this was a little bit of what happened candidly for me, ben, which was and I don't know that I've really pulled this through before on a show, but like essentially I was I had six, six and seven year old daughters. We had three kids in 12 months. That's a whole nother story.

Speaker 2: 18:01

But, and so I remember thinking man, I mean, you know I, I thought what is this going to look like? And I remember once calling my mom and I you know it was unbelievable. We were on a boat, michael Jordan, tiger, like Miami private, jet down back like killer, Right. And I get back and I'm like mom, oh, my God, it's unbelievable, whatever. And she was like how are the girls Like she right, like she was, like I think all that, but how are the girls?

Speaker 2: 18:30

And so then I essentially I pulled back and I said what are the things that matter most to me? How am I doing relative to my time, attention and energy on those things that I say really matter? And what I began to recognize was, man, I got a gap right. I say that these things matter, but my time, attention and energy relative to those things isn't there. So that was sort of like a lot of big decisions. There's usually layers to them, there's stages to them, and and and then.

Speaker 2: 19:00

But then you get to asking yourself some tough questions like what do I want on my tombstone? What do I want my legacy to be? And that was really what put me over the edge of like I don't, a billion dollars, two billion, five billion in contract negotiations, like, is that what I want on my tombstone? Like no, I want like that. She impacted and changed a lot of people's lives for the better. She led us, she, inspired us, she. And once that I got that level of clarity, I knew that I could do and live my purpose and my mission and what I really believe is my calling. I could live that more broadly as a, as a speaker, podcast host to author all those things versus just inside of the several hundred athletes and coaches and agents that I worked with.

Speaker 1: 19:51

I love the courage piece and I just, uh, I want to give you the the recognition that you deserve for it. I I having done this for almost 20 years, for my first time being paid to speak in 2006 to where I am now, I know how hard it is to do this for two decades and what you have done and the brand of your name and how sought after you are as a speaker. It's not easy, and there's something that you and I see all the time but we also have to be aware of as individuals, and that's complacency, and pretty hard to find Spartan dogs that are complacent.

Speaker 1: 20:25

There's something hungry about a Michigan State, spartan, and it's, it's really you meet Spartans and it's it really is there. I mean, it's just there's a hunger, so complacency you don't find very often in Spartans, right. However, you make the transition and I know your journey, similar to mine. I'm sure the numbers are different. The only number I'm going to give is the first number I was ever paid, not what my current fee is, but the first time I ever spoke. I got paid $500 in 2006, and I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world and I couldn't believe, as a 26-year-old kid, you're paying me $500 in all my expenses. Then there were plenty of talks. I got coffee cups and signed books. There was no fee. And then now I look at where I am now and I know you started in a place far from where you are now.

Speaker 1: 21:14

How have you been able to manage? Because I think it's something I see and I almost hope that the person doesn't see it, but I want to explain this. But our team posted something yesterday how it started and how it's going, and it was little. These pictures of me I had hair and I was skinny and I was different than I was, and this, which is the same, like we're, different than when we started this journey, right, and there was somebody who commented, and he commented to something along the lines of he was giving himself recognition for where he was and it was almost like I've arrived and there was nowhere to go. And you know, I don't coach him or anything, so it wasn't my place to dive in.

Speaker 1: 21:57

I just I left it for what it was, but I kept thinking myself we just posted this how it started, where I'm going, and I still feel like I haven't accomplished shit compared to some of our friends. So it's like this guy's telling the world in the comments that he's arrived and I, as a Spartan, can't even find complacency. So speak to complacency, cause I think it's a dangerous place.

Speaker 2: 22:23

I call it the seduction of success.

Speaker 1: 22:25

I know you like talking about complacency. We talked about it on your show. It is a dangerousuction of success. I know you like talking about complacency. We talked about it on your show.

Speaker 2: 22:30

It is a dangerous place and I know you don't believe in it.

Speaker 1: 22:32

I don't fear it for you. Right like, how dangerous is complacency for somebody's ability to figure out how great they can?

Speaker 2: 22:40

be. Yeah, I mean, I think it is. It is very, very it's like an invasive weed I I often say that sort of you don't even really know it's sliding into your life and you sort of drift into it, and I think it's important to recognize that. You know you can be complacent at home with your family and be crushing it at work, or vice versa, you can be complacent mentally but driven heavily physically Right mentally but driven heavily physically right. So, and essentially I believe it is a result of A a lack of intentionality around what we want our legacy to be what are we chasing and why?

Speaker 2: 23:19

I think it's also a hyper focus on achievement in the traditional sense and this was really a critical lens that I'm grateful that I had, which was this front row seat to peak performance for two decades as an agent, where I saw the difference between the players that got to the big leagues and stayed there and the ones that didn't, or to the PGA tour or to, you know, at D1 coach or the NBA, and then the ones that didn't just get there but then won championships, and then the ones that didn't just get there but then won championships, and then the ones that won them again and again. And then the ones that went to the hall of fame and I began to go Whoa, this is a. Whether it's Ernie Johnson and it's TV, or whether it's Tom Izzo and it's basketball, or doc rivers or Matt Kuchar, they're all wired alike and what it is is they part complacency in every area of their life. Now, it doesn't mean that they have moments and days and windows in which they start to maybe settle in a little bit, but what they do is they have a heightened awareness around the drift, I often call it when the weed starts to percolate up, and they recognize that and then are very intentional about refocusing and shifting. But I think what's ironic, ben which you know as a sports guy too, you see, but achievement and its sole focus of an outcome, right, so like, for example, I think it's great to set goals, for example, I think it's great to set goals.

Speaker 2: 24:50

But I think what gets dangerous is if you hyper-focus on an outcome a moment in time, without a level of intentionality around what the journey that you are on in fact is, what are the daily behaviors and who are you becoming as a result of the pursuit? Because, for example, if you're going to run a marathon. You run a marathon. Well, if you're hyper-focused on that, not necessarily who you're becoming as a result of this the running and the pursuit but you're overly focused on that moment in time.

Speaker 2: 25:25

Ironically, complacency is ripest to set in after you've achieved. After you've achieved this, this pinnacle, and and as you and I both know, if you ask any nick saban, right like any gino ariama coaches that have won and won, and won, they aren't focused on the outcome. The next morning they're watching, aren't focused on the outcome. The next morning they're watching tape, they're on the phone with recruits. It's just a part of the achievement almost gets in the way of their pursuit of better. It's a by-product of their daily pursuit of getting better and so, ironically, complacency is so ripe after you achieve. And that's why I think it's important to not overly focus on drive and achievement in the traditional sense, which is the pursuit of an outcome. To me, it needs to be the pursuit of you becoming a better version of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. The byproduct of that is you're going to achieve a lot along the way.

Speaker 1: 26:30

And that is a great segue before my final question for me to say one more time I'm going to make this so easy for everybody to pick up Dynamic Drive. I'm going to put it right in the show notes. Plus, you need to check out Molly's five other books. Make sure that you check out mollyfletchercom.

Speaker 1: 26:47

But what I think is so unique and this is where I'm going to tie the final question of the burn is that alignment audit inside of Dynamic Drive and how important it is that we slow down and actually pay attention to how we show up in the world, because I always say the little eyes are watching you and the little eyes.

Speaker 1: 27:10

For me, that perspective is these two little eyes used to watch my mom come to the dining room table when she was dying, with 24 hour nursing care in the house. And my mother, before she passed, taught me the greatest life lesson I've ever learned it's not how long you live, it's how you choose to live your life, and I know your story and the success you had as an agent taught your girls lessons that could last them a lifetime, but I believe it's been the pivot. The next chapter is the focus on your legacy, which might bear the greatest lesson. So here's the final question I have for you on the burn, molly what are your three girls, those six eyes? What are they going to say about how mom showed up in the world?

Speaker 2: 27:53

Well, I thank you for that. And now they're 22, 21 and 21. I think I think if you asked them, they would say she showed up with a lot of love and authenticity and kindness and a lot of curiosity, and that she put her family first, and that's always been a one. For me is my girls and my incredible husband.

Speaker 1: 28:21

Thank you for going there with me. To finish, I know that coaches and consultants like us that wear this hat of Spartan dogs we have a tendency to be tough and we bring fire to people that need the fire, but I think that's one of the things that connects you and I. The way that we're connected now is just the realness and the authenticity of us understanding what we both believe is the way to show up, the right way, which is take care of your family, be there for your family, because that's what allows you to give your best to everybody else. Molly, you are one of one. I cannot wait to share the stage with you. At training camp, we've done the virtual stage, but this is like the real deal in person live. I just fair warning to everybody like the two of us, bringing the energy together might be a problem oh, dude, and we got what sean mcveigh we got.

Speaker 2: 29:15

Uh, dabbo, I mean it's gonna be a full house, oh you got matt rule, you got jim rome, you've got eddie george.

Speaker 1: 29:22

I mean, it is a wild lineup and, uh, I just I feel blessed to share the stage with you, blessed to share the stage with so many greats, and we're going to make sure that everybody has an opportunity to stay connected with you, because your realness in the world is needed and I appreciate you, my friend. I can't thank you enough for coming on the burn.

Speaker 2: 29:43

Thanks for having me, Ben. I can't wait to see you.

Speaker 1: 29:47

To each and every single one of you listening. Please share this episode with somebody who needs to hear it, because they're waiting on that sideline and they lack the courage that Molly has displayed for us to make that pivot in your life to recognize your next chapters might be your best chapters, no matter how great the first chapters were. Anybody who might be scared to fight a little harder, somebody who might be scared that if I put my family first, I may never find success, which is one of the biggest, biggest fallacies that we could ever hear in life. It actually makes you understand how great you can be. Please share this episode. Please make sure to connect with Molly, Please make sure to pick up a copy of Dynamic Drive and we cannot wait to see you next week on the Burn.