Speaker 1: 0:00

A lot of what we do is motivated by what we didn't have or what we had, and the final thought on me wanting to be chosen and wanting to be liked is I've spent my entire career teaching people how to become chosen, how to harness their own unique strengths, gifts and talents, how to be a freaking rainmaker, how to say you have it within you, be the biggest version of you.

Speaker 2: 0:21

I think people are living in this protected world these days to where they're so fearful to actually go for it that they never understand how great they can be.

Speaker 1: 0:44

All right, we're in Dallas, texas. This is a special edition, high intensity, very quick, packed episode with Mr Ben Newman, who just took the stage as our keynote speaker at the Guild Leadership Summit. You brought the house down. I knew you would. I recommended you as our keynote, ben, because the theme was full throttle and it's really about precision, power, people and purpose. And I see you live this way in your everyday life, in the books that you've written, the coaching that you do one-on-one, the masterminds that you hold and in every way that you show up in your life, and you're that damn workout that you do. But I've survived. I just want to start off by asking you what does it mean to you to be self-made and what are the sacrifices you've made to create that for yourself?

Speaker 2: 1:31

Well, first off, thank you for the kind words. It's always good to be with you. I'm probably going to ask you a couple of questions to where we flip this so we can turn this into a burn episode, because whenever we're together, there's energy, there's fire, and I appreciated you thinking of me, because I know how much Guild means to you, I know how much the organization and so much of what you've done has come from it. So it's just, it's amazing. Today was amazing. The energy was great. I'm so grateful.

Speaker 2: 1:55

And then for you to say let's do this interview and then to ask a question like that, I'm going to actually answer this in a way that I don't think I've ever answered on a podcast, and I want to do that special for you.

Speaker 2: 2:07

But also to really challenge people, because sometimes I don't think I necessarily go here, but this is what people want to hear.

Speaker 2: 2:12

I think people are living in this protected world these days to where they're so fearful to actually go for it that they never understand how great they can be.

Speaker 2: 2:22

So one of the things and for people that know my story losing my mom and my motivation and that's my burn inside of me it's never about money, but I am growing a business and so, to answer your question directly, I'm growing a business, a business where I want to have the freedom to choose what I want to do, and so I think for everybody, you have to have those goals that take that long, obedience in the same direction, with the aggressive patience, but knowing okay, here's my first step of success. But then I encourage people don't become complacent, be willing to go to that next level and the next level but the real level I think you're talking about, which you and I've talked about before, is getting to that level, to where you've reached a level of success where you truly can say yes or no to things that you want to say yes or no to, and I think that's real success.

Speaker 1: 3:08

Yeah. And you have to earn that right of abundance, of professionalism, of confidence in yourself to be able to say no, I'm going to pass on this one.

Speaker 2: 3:19

And I think that comes from the discipline of hard work, like you've put in, that most people are unwilling to do, and so everybody would want the career you've had, but most people aren't willing to do what you've done over the period of time in which you've done it, to have what you have. So it comes down to discipline.

Speaker 1: 3:36

So, speaking of being a rainmaker because you have made it rain in your own life you are 100% self-made reign in your own life.

Speaker 2: 3:45

You are 100% self-made. I did sell hot dogs for $3.25 an hour when I was 13. And my hourly rate to speak is now a little higher than that.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Yes, and you just spoke from Sage that in college you started making cold calls in the mortgage industry to take pre-falls. So what are some of the key things that you have done to become a rainmaker and to hone those skills of aggressively putting yourself out there, earning the business, earning the shot and building a great, successful career?

Speaker 2: 4:13

Well, there are the four Ps that Guild had today, which you mentioned earlier, and I added a fifth one today, which was perspective. And one of the things I've always fought to do was keep the right perspective, no matter the challenge, no matter the adversity, and that's typically what holds people back. I face challenge, I face adversity, I quit, I give up. It's too painful, as opposed to actually leaning in, stepping into the fire. And that's where I find when somebody finds that internal or they find that fire. So for me, my mom passes away at 38. I'm 46. I've been given eight extra years that my mom never got. Well, if I've been given eight extra years that my mom never got, you think I'm going to waste a day? Yeah, so that puts a burn inside of me, that gives me perspective that I'm not going to stop. And then, even when you win, if I still have days my mom never got, it doesn't matter how big I win. I'm going to keep winning and it's a choice to go there. But I think we all have that in us.

Speaker 1: 5:05

Most of the loan officers I'm interviewing right now that are wildly successful. I also find that they've also known hard, like real hard. You learned real hard your entire childhood and so your perspective of what's hard and what might stop you is a completely different threshold than most. Have you found that in coaching that the people who have that resilience, that have that grit, that have the proper perspective and don't get derailed is because they've actually had some real heart in their life?

Speaker 2: 5:35

Oh, I think that individuals who understand heart are the ones who could persevere, right. So let me flip the mic on you. The level of success that you've had, right. So our show, the Burn, you know seven years of episodes of these powerful stories. So what is it for you, right? What is it what's made you resilient, what's caused you to fight? Because the level of you performed at there's no way it's been easy.

Speaker 1: 5:56

Yeah, there's not. I feel like I've I transmuted my parents' childhood and their pain and their struggle to make them proud, parents' childhood and their pain and their struggle to make them proud. You said that today, that you know they grew up, both of them with single parents. My mom's mom died young, similar to yours. My dad's father left him. There was a lot of stuff that they endured and suffered, and so there was an intensity in my household growing up that we are going to fight and we are going to be champions and we are going to overcome and we are going to be grateful for the opportunities and we're going to never be entitled. We're going to earn it, earn it, earn it, and so that was a mantra.

Speaker 1: 6:33

But I also think for me, my insatiable drive I've done a lot of work on this lately has been on one side. I didn't really feel seen as a little girl. I, I think you know I wanted to be daddy's little girl, and my parents were 21 and 22 when they had me, so we grew up together. They were also starting a business from scratch, and so there was a lot going on there and um, and I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to be cherished is the word. And you have kids and I know you were at your daughter's basketball game last night.

Speaker 2: 7:08

I literally told Chad what I said. I said, hey, I really can't come on Thursday night. He's like okay, well, you know why? And I said because my daughter has a basketball game. I said I'll come Friday morning. And he respected it.

Speaker 1: 7:25

And I know you live that way with your daughter, and I'm sure the father that you are was largely guided by the father you didn't have, and so, anyway, that's a whole, nother thing that I can't wait to see.

Speaker 2: 7:31

Guys, there's an emotion you have in your eyes. This is a whole nother episode, because you're about to put the emotion in my eyes. I don't think we have time for that today.

Speaker 1: 7:38

Yeah, but it's interesting because, like, actually, you challenged people and even today, I knew I was going to talk to you and I'm like shit. He's going to ask me what is my burn. I'm like, what is it? And do I really want to share it? Because I've recently just found it and it was this.

Speaker 1: 7:53

And I've seen a psychic, I've seen therapists, I've had lots of coaches and I've tried to figure out, like what is that insatiable desire? Why is it that I will override my health, I will override, you know, paying attention to other things. I will be singularly focused, I will be dog on the bone until I fucking win, because it's about winning for me. Like, where does that come from? And it and I really think it comes most of the time before the age of 10.

Speaker 1: 8:18

There's something that happened in our life where we created a belief, and the belief that happened for me young was I wanted to be cherished, I want to be daddy's little girl, and if you think about the word cherishment, like that is like the most important thing, the most loved thing, and I just figured this out at 44. I didn't have this word, like a month ago, and so what? I as a little person, we don't have any kind of conscious thinking. My belief was I'm not good enough the way I am so in order to be cherished, let alone light. There's times I didn't even feel chosen.

Speaker 1: 8:51

I had two my whole journey of learning how to perform and compete and stand out, be special. And I remember hitting 34 years old and I made all the money that I was supposed to have gotten to where I would get this freedom that we're talking about, and yet I couldn't find it. I didn't have peace. I still had this drumming thing and it was like somebody said well, you don't feel deserve it. And so I've done a lot of work over 10 years of like this kind of healing this thing, because my drive isn't going away, but I'm trying to shift the fuel, because if our drive is all about external and seeking other people's approval and being special all the time, well then it takes our power, and I really like power. I want to feel powerful to create and do and feel in control of my life, and so I've really started working on getting more of an internal fuel for that wanting to be special. But here's the crazy thing for me.

Speaker 2: 10:04

Can I share something just in observation? You know, see you and Galen on vacation. I see you with your children and I see the energy that you bring, whether it's out on a boat or whatever it is. You take that power there. So you think of the examples, the freedoms, the choices, the things you can show your kids. You know that to me becomes part of this additional burn, which is this opportunity for them to see what hard work looks like and what hard work creates. And then you really become this example of what power really is. That's power, yes, right. So a lot of times it's remembering, when you have become that example, like how special that time is that your kids, even if they don't tell us they're watching. And then there's sometimes those subtle times, you know where, like you know, one of your daughters might say, oh, mom, you know that. And you're saying, oh, my gosh, like you actually were listening to what I said or you were watching what I did, and that's very powerful.

Speaker 1: 11:00

It's so powerful to think about. I immediately had to ask you this question because a lot of what we do is motivated by what we didn't have or what we had, and the final thought on me wanting to be chosen and wanting to be liked is I've spent my entire career teaching people how to become chosen, how to harness their own unique strengths, gifts and talents, how to be a freaking rainmaker, how to say you have it within you, be the biggest version of you, play full out like, live life to the fullest. So the things that drive me insane is when I meet people, don't you want to just shake them? You can just see there's like a veil over their face. They're like hiding behind something. I'm like dude, you're brilliant, like you're a gift from God, and I just want to freaking shake them. Maybe you shake them.

Speaker 2: 11:45

Well, there's that. But there's a lot of people they've never had somebody believe in them that way there. Yeah, and that's the hard part when you see somebody. But then that becomes the beautiful part. That's why coaching is such a powerful thing. You know, it's no different on a football field. You meet that player who you know that might be missing a little piece, or nobody asked him the question, nobody. And then all of a sudden, wow, where? It's this executive who they've achieved this high level of success. But we want to take them to that next level of success. And you find that underlying fire, you find that underlying burn. And then you side up good news and bad news. What's the good news? Well, the good news is I know how we're going to take you to the next level. What's the bad news?

Speaker 2: 12:25

God you've been playing protected for far too long and we're not doing it anymore. And I think that's the piece to where, when I I say, like the seduction of success, there's a lot of people because of the traps of their past, because of not being told I believe in you. They actually have it in them, but they only take it so far because they really haven't had somebody say no, let's go take all of it. Like you said, I want all of it. So they've taken a lot of it but not all of it. And so they have somebody because, you know, I sought my dad's approval my entire life. Never heard him say I'm proud of you, I created this fight, but a lot of people they don't go get that fight. You got to help him, get a help and go get it.

Speaker 1: 13:01

So I've seen you play this fatherly coach intense. I've got your back and I believe you and I see you roll in several men in my life, other top producers in our industry. Um, has that been really intentional because you didn't necessarily get the belief in support like the way you show up for these other people you coach and the men in your life?

Speaker 2: 13:23

I was, I'll never forget. I was 25. I was a financial advisor and we were writing down goals and one of the goals I wrote down so at the time I'm single didn't even, I didn't even know Amy, there were no kids and I literally said I have this vision that one day I'm going to be the father who picks up his kids from school every day and sweats, and people are going to be like does that dude have a job? And it was that big thinking that I allowed myself to go to that. Then I stepped into with the work to make that happen. So I firmly believe that the life I have is a result of what I saw in my mind's eye before it happened, but then a willingness to work for it, because that's kind of that freedom piece.

Speaker 2: 14:08

Right To where I'm at my kids' games, I'm at their practices, I work my ass off. I worked a long, long time to get to that point and I'm at their practices. I work my ass off. I worked off for worked a long, long time to get to that point and I'm still working hard every single day. But I'm doing the things that I want to do. But I think sometimes people like that's a crazy vision to have. That's when I was a younger guy, but I was able to achieve that.

Speaker 1: 14:28

But I think you and I are both similar in this is that I didn't feel chosen. So I go out and choose people every day, like I shine so much love into people and say I see you, oh, I choose you. Without question, I'm pouring into you, I'm grabbing you, I'm working with you Because of the pain I've experienced.

Speaker 2: 14:44

I know most people haven't gotten. That is one of the greatest joys.

Speaker 2: 14:48

Yeah Is to just tell somebody I love you, I believe in you, you can do so much more or allowing that person to see because sometimes people are going so fast they don't realize the things they're doing that are causing them to be great, and if we repeat that behavior over and over and over again, now you're really going to unlock. They're like, oh my gosh, I can't even believe it. And it's such a simple thing, because that's how we see it To slow down, to attack it. Most people don't see it that way. They're just, they're going through emotions and then you teach them that like, oh my gosh, this is, this is like really intentional, purposeful, meaningful discipline, and look what that creates.

Speaker 1: 15:22

So you say things like purpose over pain. This is almost another way of like pain becomes the purpose.

Speaker 2: 15:29

Your greatest strength is built through your pain. I mean I would give anything to have a conversation with my mom, to hug my mom, but like life is life, I cannot have that. No matter how much I pray, god is not going to give that to me. So I've chosen to find strength through just the most God awful pain that I would never wish upon anybody else. It's the only choice I had, or I take that back.

Speaker 2: 15:53

I did have another choice. I could have turned to drugs. I could have done with who my dad was when he moved back into the house and the things I saw before I turned eight years old and the pain. If I would have been a guy who was hooked on drugs. People said, of course you get the shit that guy, of course he's a drug addict. But I chose to not do that because I found strength in my pain. But that was not by myself. That was mentors and loved ones, which I know it's the same for you. I mean, I've been to enough therapists. You can call me doctor. So it's one of those things that I've had to. Work enough on me but have enough of those coaches, loved ones, relatives, people show up. My dad always tried his hardest but it was never authentic, it was never real. It was. He just had so many issues. It was just he tried and I think there was probably love there, but it was. It was just. It was broken.

Speaker 1: 16:40

When you say standard over feelings, what do you mean? What are you trying to impress upon me when you say that?

Speaker 2: 16:46

Well, I think everybody so for you to reach the point that you've reached in your career, there's standards and things you duh and far too often people allow their feelings to dictate how they show up. So that could be the feeling of I'm winning. And because I won and especially with everybody in the mortgage industry right now I shared from the stage, like you guys thought this was going to be six to 12 months, then it became 24. It's like we're like 30 plus months now, Like I'm so in my feelings I'm not going to do it now, I'm just going to wait, yep, as opposed to saying I'm going to keep believing in my standards, knowing that if I do that, I still can continue to win. But then when you get those wins when times are tough that's usually when people celebrate too much that's the hard part. You got to keep going back to the standard and not allowing your feelings to dictate how you show up.

Speaker 1: 17:31

I find that people that are disciplined to standards like that whole thing. Discipline equals freedom. I remember like what I rebelled against discipline because my mother was very disciplined and very structured and she raised four children that are all champions, that just very self-sufficient, independent, awesome kids. But I saw her not really have an emotional life. I saw her get divorced twice, I saw her not have a lot of friendships, and so I equated discipline with a sad, unhappy, lonely life, and so I was more rebellious to the point where I'm like, well, I'm going to live in chaos because I'm good with chaos.

Speaker 1: 18:07

I'm now at 44, going, oh, taking out my journal every day and doing a hot 15 and setting my intention and waking up at 5 42 am and drinking a gallon of water, and like, it took me that long, ben seriously, and people go no way, you're so successful. I'm like, oh no, I was just a burning hot coal running a thousand miles an hour, gail, and calls me the shane ados. Have you always had that discipline? Was that where you found safety was in discipline and standards, or was this something you picked up later?

Speaker 2: 18:37

So I don't know if I've ever answered this this way. I make this joke all the time, but I want to. I want to really answer the reason why I've done it, um, or part of why I've done it. So I always joke. I say I'm addicted to working out and buying your Jordans. And I say that because it's like a joke, but it's really the truth, because I have an addictive personality and I think there's. I've never really answered it this way, but I think there's people listening who probably need to hear this.

Speaker 2: 19:02

My dad was a drug addict, alcoholic, all those things. That's in me. So I had to make a choice. I'll become disciplined in my work to go be great, I'll go buy those Air Jordans, I'll work out 2,075 days in a row, because if I don't do that, I know what the opposite is. And so a lot of the discipline came from almost like a fight, like I have to fight this way.

Speaker 2: 19:23

I really wasn't the smartest guy. I had a 19 on my ACT. I was a really good student because I worked hard with discipline. I put those tests in front of me. I'm like what are you doing to me? And so that's where a lot of the discipline came from, because I knew if I'm not going to be disciplined, I'm going to go down a really bad path. And sometimes I think people just accept oh well, that's the way my dad was, I'll try drugs, I'm going to go down this bad path where I said no, I'm going to fight that with discipline, but it's my I feel like a lot of people are overwhelmed, overprescribed and overcommitted and they felt like they've been living in a long stage of survival mode.

Speaker 1: 20:08

How do you transition from fighting from survival to fighting with purpose and passion? You have this rejuvenated energy every single day. Is there a shift there in the word fight, and how do you frame that?

Speaker 2: 20:23

So I firmly believe that the secret of the highest performers in the world is the burn. Now people can call it something else. Right, we've been able to frame it as the burn. But when you find that so for me, when I say I'm 46, my mom was 38. I have all these days she never got, how could that not fuel me that?

Speaker 2: 20:42

yeah but I choose to connect to that. It's the alarm on my phone. I write it out every day and so I believe everybody has that. Whether it's your parents sacrificing for you at 21 and 22, like that's, oh, my like, I will not waste that sacrifice. Yeah, it becomes the so when you think of that, that's all you know. I see you getting emotional in your eyes again. Right, so it, so it's you. Go there. That will motivate you every day if you connect to it. Or you're sacrificing right now for somebody at home, or somebody told you you could never do a chill. You don't have it in you and it's this, almost this dark side of oh, you told me I couldn't you just go watch what I do.

Speaker 1: 21:17

Exactly.

Speaker 2: 21:18

And I think when somebody finds that connects to it and harnesses it, that's really where you become great.

Speaker 1: 21:23

And I would like to say that your burn can shift. I mean you had a one concrete, complete burn, but I can say genuinely that my burn. In the beginning I dropped out of college. I was that 4.0 student that had a scholarship and then dropped out and I was the first one going to college. It was a big deal. So I had a chip on my shoulder that said I made the right choice for me. I, when I moved home from the Midwest to Reno, they said are you going to go work for daddy? You know that chip on my shoulders like oh fuck, you watch me, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1: 21:56

So my burn, a lot of it, has been watch me, you know I'm going to prove you wrong. Until it's like you know you're on your 10th year of success. It won't work anymore and I think that's where burnout could come is when the fuel is maybe dirty. It's the wrong fuel. And what you brought out in me today was actually thinking about like, what does it mean to stack generational change? And like, like, what does it mean to stack generational change? And like what have my parents done to sacrifice to get us where we are? And what is my duty to bring us to the next level and I think everybody can tap into some level of generational change and impact and legacy and I think that's really good.

Speaker 1: 22:37

Okay, final thing the next. You challenged us from stage connect to your burn the next 30 days. What does that mean? How do you like really tap into something and how do you connect? You said you have an alarm on your phone, but like if you were to say, shay, you're gonna really lock this in, what would you tell me to do?

Speaker 2: 22:52

well, I do have a burn journal. Yeah, so I I'm so bad with, like, selling books and things like that. Some of my mentors I still have look, I still have two coaches. I every day. I got great mentors.

Speaker 2: 23:03

There's like you get on stage, you don't even tell people you have books. You do this. So I actually do have a burn journal. You could buy on Amazon so you literally can write it out. I use that every day and so I do connect to it.

Speaker 2: 23:13

But then there's other ways. You don't have to go by my burner. It literally is on my phone. So, and he's just like Ben, tell him about your phone. I'm like you want to talk about my cell phone right now. He's like what, like your alarm? Like I never knew you could name your alarm.

Speaker 2: 23:30

So my alarm, when it goes off, it says Janet Fishman, newman, legacy. Well, what do you think the odds are? I'm hitting the snooze button and I'm going back to bed, right, impossible. Yeah, if I'm going to pick, I'm not reading Snoop Dogg, that's it. And so I think people have to build an environment, whether it's writing it down, putting it on a phone, putting it on a mirror I wear a legacy bracelet putting it on like something that causes you to connect to it. And then I encourage people if you've never done this, do it for 30 days, because then when you connect to it, if you connect to the emotion I've seen in your eyes three times in this 20 minute conversation, you connect to it. If you connect to the emotion I've seen in your eyes three times in this 20 minute conversation, every day totally different.

Speaker 1: 24:11

And it's incredible that you being as vulnerable as you are and as heartfelt as you are and sharing these intimate stories, brings people to that same place in themselves, and I think that's what we all need to learn is, if you want to be impactful as a rainmaker because you're a a relationship guy, we met and immediately had this bond and it was like he's my guy, I will get you a job, we will. Whatever we're gonna, we're gonna be friends.

Speaker 1: 24:34

I've watched you do that quickly and I believe that's how you started building your business from the hot dogs what I hope everybody can learn um from you as a person is that you can be as intense as you want to be because you live that way and you're loved and respected for it. You're genuinely intense, and I think a lot of people try to hide that, and so if you're driven, let it out.

Speaker 2: 24:57

I will say this, but genuinely be like that genuinely is me. Yes, it's genuinely me.

Speaker 1: 25:01

Yes.

Speaker 2: 25:02

And I'll never forget, when I first started speaking, one of my mentors, John Gordon, who's just a brilliant speaker and communicator. We did this event in 2008. It was the first time he'd be like your mentor's hearing you speak and I got done. He's like Ben you're a really good speaker, but you're serious as a heart attack. You didn't laugh, you didn't smile. Do me a favor, Be you the next time you speak. And it was like this invitation to just go be myself.

Speaker 1: 25:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:26

And so, for everybody listening, I was like you got to go be the authentic. You Don't try to make a vein pop out of your neck because mine doesn't. I get into it, that's just me. You got to go be you.

Speaker 1: 25:35

And give people the love that either has fueled you your whole life and or the love that you didn't get and always wish that you would got. See people, encourage them, believe in them, stand with them, choose them, and you'll build as big of a following and as many friends as you could ever want.

Speaker 2: 25:52

And be a rainmaker and connect to that burn. That's what I told you. I flipped it, so now I can have this as a burn episode that goes to rainmakers.

Speaker 1: 26:00

Well, thank you for being in my life, thank you for the work that you're doing.

Speaker 2: 26:02

Thank you for all you do.

Speaker 1: 26:04

I mean you are a ripple in the pond. I mean you're like a big damn plane dropping and then blaming a huge tidal wave of impact in the world. And I'm grateful to call you a friend.

Speaker 2: 26:14

Thank you. Same for you, much love always, and thank you for having me.