Speaker 1: 0:00

But I stood at my father's deathbed, still seeking his approval as a 43-year-old man.

Speaker 1: 0:07

For the first time in my life, my father looks up at me and he said Ben, I'm very proud of you. And I felt nothing my whole life. That's what I'd sought was to hear those words, and I felt nothing. You see, I walked out that day and I realized the truth was that I didn't need those words. I want to start with where we're going to finish and then I want to bring you back right here for a story that I think will impact each and every single one of you exactly where you are, to attack what lies ahead with more passion, with more fire, with more conviction, especially having had the opportunity to learn from all of these amazing speakers and coaches and athletes. So how are we going to finish? With this statement? These three words lock the gates. Lock the gates. Little story for you. Two years ago, I stood at what I now know was my father's deathbed. It was November the 4th and I was feeding my father oatmeal, eggs and coffee. My father and I, my entire life, had had a strained relationship Ups and downs, challenge and adversity. That, throughout my life, has enabled me to build some significant strength. My strength, my burn, as many of you know and might remember, comes from my mom and her battle with a disease called amyloidosis. My mother actually divorced my dad when I was six months old. I never knew my parents together. My dad was a drug addict, alcoholic, manic, depressive, bipolar, everything under the sun. And my mom said that's enough. And she had the courage, as a single mom, to say I'm going to fight to make ends meet. My mother ended up passing away from amyloidosis, instilling in me lessons to embrace the opportunity to attack one day at a time and to learn. Even as she battled amyloidosis and we had 24-hour nursing care in our home, she would still come to the dinner table every single night and ask me how my day was at school, and she helped me realize, when she passed the pen of her journal to me 11 days before my eighth birthday, that it's not how long you live, it's how you choose to live your life. So my mother's life, having passed away at 38 and I'm 45, has instilled this burn inside of me, and it's your burn that ignites your why and purpose and causes you to show up on the days you don't feel like it, and especially after you win. So many of you know my story and you know about my mom and you know about the burn or some of you listened to our burn podcast for the last six years and so you know what drives me.

Speaker 1: 3:20

But I was at my dad's deathbed, the man who my mother struggled with, who then I had to, because you can't divorce your dad when he moved back into the house Drug addict, alcoholic, he's passed out or high on the couch every single night after my mother passes away. I didn't get to divorce him, but I sure got the pain and challenge of living with him and the verbal abuse that I endured from my father oftentimes made me feel so weak. There were so many times when I look back on it now I wish my dad would have just punched me because the bruises would have gone away. But sometimes your words can last decades and I don't know about you if there's pain you're holding on to or you've been through similar. But I stood at my father's deathbed, still seeking his approval as a 43-year-old man and in between bites of oatmeal and eggs and him telling me that the coffee wasn't hot enough. For the first time in my life, my father looks up at me of oatmeal and eggs and him telling me that the coffee wasn't hot enough. For the first time in my life, my father looks up at me and he said Ben, I'm very proud of you. I heard those words for the first time. I'd sought those words, thinking that was the truth. That's what I needed to have the strength to know that I was okay, to know that I was worth something. Let me take you one year sooner. One year sooner I'll be able to.

Speaker 1: 4:54

I was told my dad was going to die. Then, same situation. I'd approached the hospital, oxygen in the nose. I'm told he's on his deathbed and I told my wife Amy, babe, I'm going to say everything I need to say. And we'd had these conversations through the years, but this was going to be it. I'm finally going to say everything that needs to be said. And I stood on the end of his bed and I told him everything and finally I said, dad, all I ever wanted to do was make you proud. And my dad just looked at me and he said nothing.

Speaker 1: 5:34

I remember walking out of that hospital room that day and I called Amy. I'm like that son of a like what is his problem? I opened up my heart and gave him the opportunity to just say the words, and he couldn't say it, and so I left and I was still seeking and I had to hear it. I had to hear it. Now, fast forward back to November 4th, just two years ago, and finally he says it and I felt nothing. My whole life, that's what I'd sought was to hear those words, and I felt nothing. You see, I walked out that day and I realized the truth was that I didn't need those words, and so I've shared a lot of stories over the last eight years, being part of John's amazing work and impact on all of you, but I'd never shared this story, and I don't want any of you who have something holding you back or you're trying to to seek a truth that's not the truth, to keep pursuing that truth. I want each and every single one of you to lean into what makes you strong. You know it had always been for me, my mom never wasting a day, knowing that she didn't get all the days that I've been given. She didn't get the days many of you have been given. We can't waste them Now.

Speaker 1: 6:59

I wasn't able to find the next part of this by myself. I needed help. I was blessed to meet who's now become my physician, dr Gabrielle Lyon. She's incredible and in my first onboarding call with Dr Lyon, it's my doctor, my primary physician. You know you would have thought we would have talked about things physical, or the heart or cholesterol and things of that nature, which we did but after she started asking me deep questions that no doctor ever had she's that incredible she said there's something I want to do. I want to help provide you your mental freedom.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Now here I am. I'm a mental conditioning coach. This is what I do for a living. I spent five years with Coach Saban and won two national championships. I've been 10 years with Coach Kleiman three national championships at North Dakota State, a Big 12 championship now at Kansas State. I've worked with coaches or players on the last six Super Bowl teams, my work with Microsoft, google, all the corporate work that we do, working with some of the fastest growing companies in the world, having the opportunity to coach, behind the scenes, many of the speakers that you're hearing on this summit and other speakers and coaches and leaders. It's been incredible and you all see that. But I still needed my deepest level of mental freedom and that was just two years ago. So, regardless of what you see, we're all in this fight together. I still have two coaches. I'm reading books every single day and I needed Dr Lyon to introduce me to Dr Silva.

Speaker 1: 8:33

And in my first meeting with Dr Silva I will never forget it Dr Silva says to me she says Ben. She says I want you to picture gates. Can you picture gates for me? What would these gates look like? She and I pictured these big wrought iron gates and there's stones on each side of these gates and they were like 30 feet high and I could just picture them and I was standing outside of these gates and I'm looking up at these gates and she says I now want you to envision opening up these gates and I want you to envision yourself stepping through these gates. I want each and every single one of you to start envisioning this for you. If there's something that had held you back or there's maybe these proverbial gates that you need to walk through. And she says open up those gates and envision yourself walking through those gates. And then she says I want you to turn around and I want you to lock those gates.

Speaker 1: 9:31

She said you have the power to remove the people that don't have a place in your life. You have the power to choose, to make the choices, to put the people around you, to build the environments, to focus on the disciplines that make you feel strong. I now realize I have the ability to connect to that little boy inside of me who sought that approval, and he's strong because his mom taught him to be strong. And I know every single day now when I walk through these proverbial gates and I think about it every single morning before I begin my attack to do the things that other people are unwilling to do, just like for you in your life. You got to show up, you got to identify the disciplines and then attack it one day at a time. But you got to walk through those gates, you got to lock those damn gates every single day and you have to make sure that you're willing to do the things that are going to cause you to be great, to leave an impact on this world, things that are going to cause you to be great, to leave an impact on this world.

Speaker 1: 10:33

And Dr Silva helped me find that mental freedom to walk through those gates. I now feel and coach and love differently than I ever have, because I understand the strength that lies inside of me. I want you to understand the strength that lies inside of you. I want you to remember that everything you need is already in you. I want you to make sure that you surround yourself with the right people. When you bring those people through the gates with you, it's the right people every day. And I want you to take everything you've learned through this Positive Summit and find something you can change in your discipline so that, when you walk through those gates, you never think or drive discipline the same way ever again. It's something new for you and you think differently and you attack differently and you live differently and you impact differently, because that's what creates impact. That is what creates legacy.